I'll take all the blame, the front page and the fame.

Jenny/Mandy/Rob, here you go.

HAMLET/OBI-WAN
EMP- Come, Hamlet, and take this hand from me.
OBI – I apologize, Emperor. I’ve rebelled against the Empire. I have been mad. Did I wrong Lord Vader? Never I. If I hurt Vader in a fit of the Dark Side, then I am the one that is wrong. Please forgive me, I hurt Vader by accident.
VADER – I’m very angry, but I won’t hurt you. I accept your apology.
OBI – Thank you, now I’ll spar with you. Lightsasbers at the ready. You will surely beat my meager Jedi skills. VADER – You mock me. You underestimate the power of the Dark Side.
OBI – Never.
EMP – Quickly, summon your sabers. You know the wager?
OBI – Yes, you bet on me, Emperor, and I am sure to lose.
EMP – I think not. Quick, lay out the goblets of drink over there. If Obi-Wan wins, let all the stormtroopers salute him, and I’ll drink to his health. I’ll throw an expensive lightsaber crystal into Obi-Wan’s cup, richer than that which four chancellors of the Senate hath had. Now, fight.
[FIGHT]
OBI – I got you!
VADER – ‘Tis but a scratch!
OBI – What’s that then?
VADER – Just a flesh wound.
EMP – Obi-Wan has scored a hit. Here are the lightsaber crystals, now drink for the glory of the Empire. [drops Pop Rocks]
OBI – Not yet, your Emperorship. I wouldn’t want the alcohol to muddle my force abilities. Keep fighting, Lord Vader.
[FIGHT]
[Vader’s arm falls off]
OBI – Okay, I got you that time.
VADER – No you didn’t!
OBI – Your arm’s off!
VADER – I’ve had worse!
OBI – You liar!
VADER – Come on, you pansy!
EMP – Obi-Wan shall surely win.
 LEIA – Oh, help me Obi-Wan Kenobi! You’re my only hope! Here, let me wipe your brow, but first I drink to your health. [drinks]
EMP – Curses of the Sith upon her! She has drank from the poisoned cup!
OBI – I still won’t drink. I need to defeat this Sith Lord.
LEIA – At least let me wipe your face, Obi-Wan.
VADER – What is thy bidding, my master? Shall I kill him now?
EMP – Not yet, my young apprentice.
OBI – Come, Vader. Let go of your hatred. I fear you’re going too easy on me.
VADER – Your Master Yoda will not save you now. Have at you!
 [FIGHT]
[VADER hits OBI with his saber. Then they force pull at each other. Both their sabers go flying and they end up switching. OBI stabs VADER with his saber.]
EMP – Stop! They are both hurt.
OBI – Shut up you wrinkly fool! Have at you! [LEIA falls over] Leia has fallen! What is this?
VADER – I am as a Jawa to my own bounty hunter, killed by my own weapon.
OBI – How is Leia?
EMP – She swoons to see you injured.
 LEIA – No, no, Obi-Wan, help me! The drink is poisoned! [Dies, goes away to turn into JABBA offstage] OBI – What treachery is this? I sense a disturbance in the Force!
VADER – You have been corrupted by the Dark Side, Obi-Wan. There is no saving you now. Blame the foul Emperor.
OBI – So you’re to blame? Dark Side, to thy work! [chokes EMP with Force] Now, drink your own poison, and follow the fate of dear Princess Leia. [EMP dies.]
VADER – Forgive me, mentor of my son. I have corrupted you unfairly, and the Emperor has killed us both. I give up my Dark Side ways, please, remove my helmet before I die. [OBI removes helmet, VADER dies, turns in to HAN]
OBI – I will soon become one with the Force. Dear Han, you are too late. I follow my enemies, but let it be. I am dead, Han. Report my deeds across the galaxy.
HAN – Never. I’d rather die with you.
OBI – Give me the poison cup Han, you must not die. You must tell my story.
[JABBA laughter offstage]
HAN – Uh oh, it sounds like Jabba the Hutt.
OBI – (in agonizing pain and suffering) I cannot live to see more evil take over the galaxy. Tell him what has happened, and maybe, just maybe he won’t freeze you in carbonite. [OBI dies]
[END]

I've got soul power.

Matilda.

Military Man.

On a totally relevant note, Underworld is a rockin' movie.

Everyone will buy stuff from the Beat for Christmas Anonymous.

That is not a command, it is the truth.

Those opposing the written truth will be shot.

As some of you may know (because that's all I talked about yesterday) I went ahead and got an XBOX 360.  I waited in line with Brett for half an hour (that's right folks, no overnights for me) in front of Sam's Club until they opened to people with business memberships at 7:00, which happened to be my mom and Brett's youth leader or something like that.  I got the system plus an extra wireless controller and a charger kit for an extra $50, and it is worth it.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to play it before school because it would have taken too much time and Sam's Club didn't have any good games at all.  I got Call of Duty 2 after school, and went over to Brett's house to LAN right away.  One word- glorious.  That game is so beautiful and so fun.  Only problem - System link screwed up so we couldn't have everyone play at once, even after an hour and a half of trying to fix it.  I went home, and after an incident with my A/V cable that cost me a precious hour of my night, I played until early morning.  Astounding game.  For those of you who think I'm an enormous nerd because I actually got a 360 at launch, you can all go away because I don't care.  You can stick with...whatever you do.  I'm gonna be playing the best gaming console on the planet.

"We're gonna have 'Jump On It' on the back because, well, it's the name of a song, and we can get away with it." -Dominick Grande